'I've worked with children for 30 years. Things have never been so tough for families'

I’ve worked with children and families for nearly 30 years, and in all that time, I don’t think I’ve seen things as tough for parents – especially new parents – as they are today.  The cost of living has had a dramatic effect – the cost of a weekly shop, bills and rent.

I manage a family centre in Woking, part of Barnardo’s early help services in Surrey, supporting families with children. No family comes to us just with one support need, we support parents with complex needs, but poverty affects more of them than ever before. And for many families with babies and toddlers, that poverty starts to shape their child’s life from day one.

We support parents from diverse backgrounds. What they share is the daily struggle to afford the basics for their children. I know of many families with small children in temporary accommodation, they’re quite isolated and constantly have to rely on food banks and clothing support . That’s really, really tough for them. The families we are seeing are relying more on food banks and hygiene banks than ever. But families shouldn’t have to depend on charity for their basic needs. Support shouldn’t be something they have to chase.

The first five years of a child’s life are absolutely crucial. I regularly see how the stress of living in poverty affects parents’ mental health during pregnancy, even before their baby is born. Some parents eat less so they can save money for their baby. Some can’t afford bus fares to get to food banks. Others are living in temporary accommodation that are unsuitable or unsafe for a newborn or toddler. When every single decision comes down to cost, it takes a toll before the baby even arrives.

Younger babies are often not getting the right nutrition because families are struggling in poverty. Obesity levels in children are extremely high  but the family can’t afford the food the child needs. Food banks often do their very best, but the food available doesn’t always meet the dietary or cultural needs of families. That means babies and toddlers might not always get the nutrition they need because of poverty.

We also see the effects of poverty on children’s development in ways that are subtle but increasingly common. I think we are seeing more toddlers are experiencing speech and language delays, and isolation often plays a role. Families without a network of family or friends can find their children can miss out on early opportunities to socialise, communicate and explore.

A continual theme for a lot of the families we work with is that they have a house, but it’s not a home. Parents will always prioritise their baby and quite often parents have nothing for them, but then that affects the parents’ mental health and wellbeing which affects their parenting capacity to meet the baby’s needs. So it’s this constant cycle they’re battling against and it is not fair.

Families are referred to us for targeted support of which poverty is often one of the reasons. So then when we see extreme poverty above that, it can be upsetting after visiting a home, especially when families are just trying so hard to be the best parent they can be.

Mothers-to-be may be living in an environment that’s unhealthy and worrying about how she’s going to provide for her baby and herself. During the pregnancy they may eat less to have more money for the baby. It starts literally from conception.

I’ve visited homes where babies are still sleeping in Moses baskets longer than they should because families are unable to afford a cot and toddlers are often still in prams when they are of an age for a pushchair but again families are unable to afford these. These are not luxuries – they are basic items that keep babies and toddlers safe and healthy.

Our role as a family centre is to walk alongside families, build trust and offer support that is tailored to them. We visit their homes, talk with them about the support they would like, and help them access cots, prams, nappies, clothing and other essentials. Our support is about removing that fear and building that connection of trust and empowering families to be the best they can be.

I am proud of the work our team does, but there are limits to what we can change. Families shouldn’t have to rely on a patchwork of charities, or hope that the items they need are available at the right time. Baby bundles containing newborn clothing, blankets, trusted advice, items that can promote health and development should be provided for all new parents in England on low incomes.

Juliea Morris is a Barnardo’s family centre manager in Woking, Surrey.

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